Any time I talk to people about foster care, there is always curiosity about how a typical placement goes. It’s tricky to really answer that question, because there’s really no such thing as “typical” in foster care. It’s almost impossible to predict what’s next, even for the most seasoned of foster families. That said, there’s kind of a pattern I’ve noticed in how we work out a routine in our home.
As many times as I have heard “the first week is the hardest” I have heard it shot down with “the first week is just the beginning of the hard”. I will have to say that while the first week *is* hard, the second week is harder. The first week is new, there’s lots of figuring out to do. But the second week is when behaviors set in and you really see who these little people are and what they may need from you. The third week is even harder. You aren’t sure if you can give them what they need. You feel ill-equipped as all of your previously learned parenting strategies fail. The fourth week is harder still. You’re exhausted. We are finding our way now but you aren’t sure how long you can maintain this pace.
But the fifth week. The fifth week is the hardest. You all of a sudden realize that everyone has found where they fit. Things are still hard but it’s working. You’re still exhausted, you just notice that now she’s using words instead of grunts and gestures. He isn’t writhing in pain for hours every night. We finally figured out how to smooth those beautiful brown curls back in a ponytail, and she doesn’t scream every time a man walks into the room. You’ve collected babies that look like her, and wonder how you never noticed the lack of variety in your own home. You are moving forward, even if only a tiny little bit. You aren’t counting in weeks anymore.
The fifth week you are a full month in, and you realize he’s just part of your family now. And that’s when the pain of the unknown starts. It’s when hoping for reunification gets hard, but you do it anyway. The fifth week is when you realize you are only trading one hard for a different hard. And although you don’t know where to file that in your emotions, you keep going. Because this little person that you love needs you to.